give and take

stepping back from everyone
he watches to see who notices
it's become second nature
to be aware of his surroundings

fading into the wall
he inches toward the exit
he's invisible no one cares
he slips out the door and sighs relief

it's a cool clear night
he stops to breathe it in
the weight lifts off his shoulders
the burden of caring

time to get back on the road
another home is gone
and he wonders where he can find
someone that will give more than they take

stolen wisdom

one of my extended family posted this...brilliant! I needed to preserve it here....

One day, love and friendship met. Love asked, “Why do you exist when I already exist?” Friendship smiled and said, “To put a smile where you leave tears.”

An Ohio newcomers diary .....

Dear Diary...

August 15 - Moved to our new home in Ohio. It's so beautiful here. The lake to the north looks so majestic. I can hardly wait to see it snow covered. I'm going to love it here!

October 14 -Ohio is definitely the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the park and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise, I LOVE IT HERE!!


November 10 - Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous animal. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here.
Those red and orange leaves have covered my yard. Looks like a magnificent multicolored carpet. HOW BEAUTIFUL. Raking and cleaning up the yard will be an opportunity for invigorating exercise in the cool crisp air.


November 15 - Ah, more leaves and more exercise.

November 18 - Jesus, still more leaves. Guess it's best to wait until they've all fallen before I rake again.

November 25 - Finally, all of the trees lost their leaves and with today's final raking it's over for this season. Chiropractor suggested I use a lawn maintenance service next year. Only four blisters became infected. Should probably remember to use gloves.

November 30 - What the f...? Where did all of those leaves come from? Had a little wind last night and the lawn is covered again. Oh well, they'll just have to wait until spring.

December 12 - It snowed last night, FINALLY. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. Had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snowplow came by and we had to shovel the end of the driveway again.

What a beautiful place. I Love Ohio!

December 14 - More snow last night, I love it. The snow plow did his trick to the driveway again. I Love it here.

December 19 - More snow again last night. Can't get out of the driveway. Can't to get to work. I'm exhausted from shoveling. F...ing snowplow.

December 22 - More of that white shit fell again last night. As if dealing with the leaves weren't bad enough, now I've got blisters all over my hands from shoveling, must remember to wear gloves. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I'm finished shoveling the driveway. The asshole.

December 25 - Merry F...ing Christmas. More frigging snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives the snowplow, I swear I'll kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the f...ing ice.


December 27 - More white shit last night. Have been inside for three days except for shoveling out the driveway after that plow goes through every time. F...ing gloves got wet and then froze on my hands.
Doctor said it was just a mild case of frost bite, dis-figuration is probably only temporary. Can't go anywhere, car is stuck in a mountain of white shit. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of the shit tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

December 28 - The f...ing weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of that white shit. At this rate it won't melt 'till summer. The plow got stuck up the road and the bastard came to the door and asked to borrow a shovel. After I told him I'd already broken six of them shoveling all the shit he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one on his f...ing head.

January 4 - Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back I hit a damned deer that ran in front of my car. Did about $3000 damage. F...ing beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3 - Took the car to the garage in town. The thing is rusting out from all the f...ing salt they put all over the roads.

May 10 - Moved to Naples Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that God forsaken state of Ohio.

Friendship...None of that touchy-feely shit

Got this the other day in an email....brilliant

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cute little smiley faces on this ~ Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad ~ I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue ~ I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile ~ I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in. . .

4. When you are scared ~ I will rag on you about it every chance I get until you're NOT.

5. When you are worried ~ I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused ~ I will try to use only little words.

7. When you are sick ~ Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. . .

8. When you fall ~ I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I'll help you up.

9. This is my oath .... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask ~ because you are my friend.

Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends.

Then get depressed because you can only think of 4.

lonely...obstinate...or tenacious?

I was out in Concord today doing a little work at my kids house, when I noticed how sunny the day was turning out. I needed a break and a smoke, so I thought I would go out to the garage and admire the view.

The sky was clear blue, clearer than I normally see in the city, and great big puffy clouds moved through here and there...the sun making them look perfectly white as they rolled by.

Standing in the garage doorway, I started to take in that once familiar landscape and I began to look for the changes in it since moving out five years ago. A grown shrub here, a taller tree there...when I started to examine the tree to my right to see how it had changed.

It's a Japanese Maple, I believe, but I can't say for sure...the names of trees and flowers don't register in my brain in any sort of way...perhaps because of my city upbringing. But I had always enjoyed how leafy that tree was in full bloom and how it kept the family room in nice cool shade during the summer months.

It was while I was gauging its height that I noticed the leaf.

One single leaf left...still holding on. January 9th, six inches of snow, ten degrees below freezing... but this leaf still held on. I thought about how the wind and rains batter the front of the house...but this leaf still held on. I thought about how the snow whips around that corner of the house...but this leaf still held on.

I wondered if the leaf was lonely, kind of feeling sorry for it...all alone up there, facing the harsh elements on its own, no shelter from the storm, nothing but barren branches for company and sustenance. But I held that thought for mere moments.

I soon started to admire that leaf...all alone up there. It was holding on...through the wind, rain, sun, cold and snow...it still held on. Whatever was thrown at it that chased off all the other leaves...it still held on. Mother nature beat at it mercilessly, mankind threw copious amounts of toxic fumes at it from the busy roadway...it still held on.

It was time for me to get back inside, to finish up for the day...but I took a last look at the leaf and decided to take its picture. I wished I could take a picture that could do that leaf justice...and justice to the surprising inspiration I discovered on this pretty winters day. Hang in there buddy!

I wish I were braver

That's how the post read - no context, no explanation. A friend had posted it, but it struck a chord with me.

I wish I were braver.

Because then I could tell her how I was mad about her.

I wish I were braver.

Then I could tell her how I thought she was brilliant.

I wish I were braver.

I could find the words to tell her that she's one of the most intriguing women I've known.

I wish I were braver.

Then I could tell her how beautiful I thought she was.

I wish I were braver.

This heart has been through enough, been trampled too much. It's made me gun shy - afraid of another hit.

So I sit on the periphery, alone in the shadows, wondering if I'm good enough to enter her world.

I'll watch her breeze through, catch the glow of her smile, feel the warmth of her presence, for a few fleeting moments. I'll bury my heart and all of my feelings, way, way down, covered in quips and bravado.

And when she's gone, I'll let those desires surface, and wait for the chance to see her again.

And all the time...always thinking...always thinking that one simple wish...

I wish I were braver.

doubting a belief

I generally don't believe in the kindness of man....been hurt too much by strangers, friends, lovers, etc in the past to cure me of my doubt.

But today, I was told about an act of kindness that makes me want to at least throw out this thanks into the great void,and who knows...it might hit home like the classic message in a bottle.

My son participated in a memorial walk/run this morning at his school. He wanted to walk the three mile course, but was told that the course was for runners only - if he was going to walk, he needed to follow the one mile course.

A little background - my son isn't very athletic and while he has enjoyed playing some sports, his dyspraxia, I believe, has held him back from achieving athletic progress. Running, espescially, has always looked to me to be labored at best.

A few weeks back, he joined some of his schoolmates in training for this memorial walk/run. Not being much of a runner, he found it very difficult but his buddies egged, cajoled, and good naturely bullied/pushed him into completing those training runs.

This morning, he showed up to the race and wanted to join his buddies on the three mile track - but he wanted to walk it. Since he was told only running was allowed, he agreed to run it.

He told me it was tough on him, that he was dead last bringing up the rear the whole time. But, he said what really helped him complete the run, was that one of the football players ran the race with him.

Coaching him the whole time...pushing him to small landmarks in the short distance, slowing the pace and then revving it up in intervals...so that before he knew it...he had completed three miles!!

My god, he was so thrilled he completed the three miles...so proud of himself! He so couldn't wait to tell me about the run that he texted me from his Mom's phone while I was in my car driving to pick him up for the weekend.

When he told me the story of his run, I asked him who the football player was that helped him through the race. That's the part that surprised me, because my son said that he had no idea who he was. He had never met him before...that all he knew was that he was on the football team.

So...whoever you are young man...thank you for making my son's day...thank you for helping him achieve this goal...and thank you for making his old man doubt his belief once again.

I am in your debt.