those aren't casino chips in front of me - they're bits of my heart and soul
it's everything that I have and the stack defines me
like the truest gambler, I push the whole stack out and make my bet
let it ride I tell the man, then I turn and walk away
because it's not the win or the loss that is the point
it's making that bet that's really living!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
smeared black ink
he looked at his calendar and realized the date
such a bittersweet day coming up for her
the hurt faded as he remembered her smile
he felt sorry that their last meeting was bitter
regretted that his last words were hurtful but true
to be honest he never stopped caring
even as he knew she hated him so
a walk past a flower shop sent his mind reeling
a stirring inside would not leave him alone
the rose, his trademark – white and pure
to show he thought of her on that special sad day
he didn’t give his name for the card
she knew no one else would send her a rose
but it wasn’t enough and the muse came out
he created a poem right there in the shop
it filled three cards just letting her know
how he still cared and thought of her
just deliver it as is he told the man
the poem the flower and forget my name
because if it matters she will know
and if it doesn’t there would be no point
it was delivered and left on the stoop
who knows how long in the rain and snow
did the flower survive to show its bloom
did she read the poem that piece of his soul
or was the flower frozen withered and dead
like the relationship that they once had
was the message that was born from his heart
just simply reduced to smeared black ink
such a bittersweet day coming up for her
the hurt faded as he remembered her smile
he felt sorry that their last meeting was bitter
regretted that his last words were hurtful but true
to be honest he never stopped caring
even as he knew she hated him so
a walk past a flower shop sent his mind reeling
a stirring inside would not leave him alone
the rose, his trademark – white and pure
to show he thought of her on that special sad day
he didn’t give his name for the card
she knew no one else would send her a rose
but it wasn’t enough and the muse came out
he created a poem right there in the shop
it filled three cards just letting her know
how he still cared and thought of her
just deliver it as is he told the man
the poem the flower and forget my name
because if it matters she will know
and if it doesn’t there would be no point
it was delivered and left on the stoop
who knows how long in the rain and snow
did the flower survive to show its bloom
did she read the poem that piece of his soul
or was the flower frozen withered and dead
like the relationship that they once had
was the message that was born from his heart
just simply reduced to smeared black ink
Monday, March 1, 2010
A Tale of Two Ladies
A remark on FB today brought back a rush of sweet memories.
One of those memories was this post from oh so many months ago - thought I would re-post it again:
'Well, I've been here--I'll be back again
But this time really feels like the end...
We rolled out our promises
and they all came up lies
And no one even mentions one more try...'
An off-hand remark and compliment in an email started a correspondence some time ago.
Some phone conversations set off a spark of mutual admiration – common and complementary interests laid the basis for a long distance friendship.
Blogging became a way to stay in touch and in tune – side emails and calls added depth or substance to short posts.
And life went on....family and professional responsibilities, affairs of the heart, affairs of the libido, holidays, economic survival, social duties, etc, etc, etc.
'Why should love be this way?
It lifts you up--
then brings you to your knees...'
She caught on to this – sensed it from reading between the lines – reached out to make sure that I was getting through it. Fun stories, requests for my advice and opinion, and recent tales of adventures on her part always succeeded to buoy my mood and brighten my day. Her encouragement, her support, never wavered.
And life went on ....
'Why won't you stop, and please explain
What makes you think that it's so plain
You tell me--love is just a lie
But tell me--'bout these tears you cry...
Nothing's gonna change my mind
--not now, not ever
And, even if it takes my life
--I'll wait, forever'
Again she knew. She knew my silence, my blogland disappearance, and she reached out to make sure that I was alright. No advice, no platitudes, no philosophy – just an ear if I needed it.
Life went on ....
I took a last stab at it – forever can be pretty fucking lonely!
'So Rosie come out tonight, baby come out tonight
Windows are for cheaters, chimneys for the poor
Closets are for hangers, winners use the door
So use it Rosie, that's what it's there for'
I should have known this only works in the movies or love songs. I needed to shut this door. With that in mind, a road trip was in order. Visit my long distance friend and mend a little. I was excited to see her and to catch up with her life – shut my problems out for awhile.
By a twist of fate, she lives closer to my intended than either live to me. So it was with a heavy heart that I rolled into town and tried to find the restaurant we were going to meet in. She called to check on me and that she would be there in a couple of minutes.
True to her word, she arrived a few minutes after me - looking all glorious and beautiful, full of smiles and happy to see me.
As she hugged me in greeting, something happened that didn’t really strike me until we parted. Looking back, it took a few minutes to happen, right after our breakfast was ordered and coffee poured and we settled in to talk.
The whole world disappeared. I mean it, the whole fucking world – the traffic, the people, the restaurant, the noise, the concerns, the stresses, the distractions – all felt like they had totally disappeared. The whole damn load I was carrying was gone. Everything was gone, save for the two of us!
We talked, joked, laughed, and whispered for hours. Family, friends, careers, politics, philosophy, religion, history, art, education, business, child rearing, music (Danny Federici – God rest your soul), blogging, friendship, love, sex, erotica were all subjects that came rolling out. Nothing else seemed to matter around us – just each others company. It felt like we were the only two people in the world. I barely remember the drive away from the restaurant after awhile or the return – just each others company.
The hours rolled by as if they were minutes. I couldn’t remember when the last time I was that at ease, that comfortable, that in the moment. All day was just not enough time together – but that was all we had – our adult responsibilities had to be attended to.
I thought parting would be difficult, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t difficult because it wasn’t a parting – it was a pause. Life had to intrude again, had to take precedence, as it always does, and we understood that, accepted it. The parting wasn’t the Bard’s ‘sweet sorrow’ – just the opportunity for another happy reunion in the future.
I drove off, feeling better than I had in a long time – a smile on my face, a lightened mood, a new perspective. I noticed how beautiful the day was, and how fantastic the way this day was spent.
I had gone through a threshold, and closing the door behind me. Now I was looking forward to what was in front of me and I can’t thank her enough for helping me see that.
I pulled back into the ‘hood and drove around. Good memories started pouring in and I turned on the radio. The man on the radio was singing:
'We can pretend that we're old friends
wouldn't be so hard to believe
And wouldn't you like
to waste a little time on me?'
…and I remembered what she told me,
“If she could only see you through my eyes”
One of those memories was this post from oh so many months ago - thought I would re-post it again:
'Well, I've been here--I'll be back again
But this time really feels like the end...
We rolled out our promises
and they all came up lies
And no one even mentions one more try...'
An off-hand remark and compliment in an email started a correspondence some time ago.
Some phone conversations set off a spark of mutual admiration – common and complementary interests laid the basis for a long distance friendship.
Blogging became a way to stay in touch and in tune – side emails and calls added depth or substance to short posts.
And life went on....family and professional responsibilities, affairs of the heart, affairs of the libido, holidays, economic survival, social duties, etc, etc, etc.
'Why should love be this way?
It lifts you up--
then brings you to your knees...'
She caught on to this – sensed it from reading between the lines – reached out to make sure that I was getting through it. Fun stories, requests for my advice and opinion, and recent tales of adventures on her part always succeeded to buoy my mood and brighten my day. Her encouragement, her support, never wavered.
And life went on ....
'Why won't you stop, and please explain
What makes you think that it's so plain
You tell me--love is just a lie
But tell me--'bout these tears you cry...
Nothing's gonna change my mind
--not now, not ever
And, even if it takes my life
--I'll wait, forever'
Again she knew. She knew my silence, my blogland disappearance, and she reached out to make sure that I was alright. No advice, no platitudes, no philosophy – just an ear if I needed it.
Life went on ....
I took a last stab at it – forever can be pretty fucking lonely!
'So Rosie come out tonight, baby come out tonight
Windows are for cheaters, chimneys for the poor
Closets are for hangers, winners use the door
So use it Rosie, that's what it's there for'
I should have known this only works in the movies or love songs. I needed to shut this door. With that in mind, a road trip was in order. Visit my long distance friend and mend a little. I was excited to see her and to catch up with her life – shut my problems out for awhile.
By a twist of fate, she lives closer to my intended than either live to me. So it was with a heavy heart that I rolled into town and tried to find the restaurant we were going to meet in. She called to check on me and that she would be there in a couple of minutes.
True to her word, she arrived a few minutes after me - looking all glorious and beautiful, full of smiles and happy to see me.
As she hugged me in greeting, something happened that didn’t really strike me until we parted. Looking back, it took a few minutes to happen, right after our breakfast was ordered and coffee poured and we settled in to talk.
The whole world disappeared. I mean it, the whole fucking world – the traffic, the people, the restaurant, the noise, the concerns, the stresses, the distractions – all felt like they had totally disappeared. The whole damn load I was carrying was gone. Everything was gone, save for the two of us!
We talked, joked, laughed, and whispered for hours. Family, friends, careers, politics, philosophy, religion, history, art, education, business, child rearing, music (Danny Federici – God rest your soul), blogging, friendship, love, sex, erotica were all subjects that came rolling out. Nothing else seemed to matter around us – just each others company. It felt like we were the only two people in the world. I barely remember the drive away from the restaurant after awhile or the return – just each others company.
The hours rolled by as if they were minutes. I couldn’t remember when the last time I was that at ease, that comfortable, that in the moment. All day was just not enough time together – but that was all we had – our adult responsibilities had to be attended to.
I thought parting would be difficult, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t difficult because it wasn’t a parting – it was a pause. Life had to intrude again, had to take precedence, as it always does, and we understood that, accepted it. The parting wasn’t the Bard’s ‘sweet sorrow’ – just the opportunity for another happy reunion in the future.
I drove off, feeling better than I had in a long time – a smile on my face, a lightened mood, a new perspective. I noticed how beautiful the day was, and how fantastic the way this day was spent.
I had gone through a threshold, and closing the door behind me. Now I was looking forward to what was in front of me and I can’t thank her enough for helping me see that.
I pulled back into the ‘hood and drove around. Good memories started pouring in and I turned on the radio. The man on the radio was singing:
'We can pretend that we're old friends
wouldn't be so hard to believe
And wouldn't you like
to waste a little time on me?'
…and I remembered what she told me,
“If she could only see you through my eyes”
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